Why adolescence really IS harder today

It’s tempting for those of us who survived adolescence to say to histrionic teenagers, “Oh, it’s not that bad. Stop being so dramatic.” While it is true that the hormone-addled and fast-changing adolescent brain tends to make emotional mountains of molehills, teens today may be encountering far more molehills than we did.

Carrie_SissySpacek

Sissy Spacek in Brian De Palma’s “Carrie” (1976)

I recently watched the 1976 horror film “Carrie” again for the first time in a decade, and I was struck by its portrayal of adolescence. Shy, withdrawn Carrie is humiliated by her peers, kept in the dark about puberty by her uber-religious mother, and seems only to find peace alone in her bedroom.

How different would Carrie’s experience be with the technology so ubiquitous among today’s teens? Unless she checked her smartphone at the door and didn’t glance at it until the next day (difficult for the most self-disciplined among us), the awful girls who throw tampons and sanitary pads at her in the locker room would follow her home and into her room every night. She would be tortured by texts, tweets, and invasive IMs on Facebook long after she walked out of the school where she was so miserable.

According to statistics on cyber bullying, more than half of teens have been bullied online, and about the same percentage do not tell their parents about it. Teens also open themselves up to harsh criticism, such as when they post “am I pretty?” videos online. Adolescents’ need for acceptance and lack of impulse control becomes a potent cocktail mixed with the immediacy and connectivity of the Internet and social media.

The fact that so many teens keep silent about their experiences is not surprising; when I was a teen, I wasn’t eager to tell my parents about humiliations at school. But I also felt safe once I got home. If I wanted to, I could talk to my friends on the phone. If I didn’t feel like it, or if I was being harassed, I could take the phone off the hook and shut it all out for the night. The screen of my teen years, television, only comforted and entertained me.

Teens who have smartphones and are being bullied online drag home a blinking, chirping ball-and-chain that reminds them constantly of who doesn’t like them, who thinks they’re ugly, and what these people plan to inflict on them the next day. It’s no wonder so many adolescents are losing sleep.

What can parents do? It’s not a perfect solution, and your teen may hate you for it in the moment, but taking away their devices after a certain time each night might provide the temporary sanctuary they don’t even know they need.